i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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