i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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