two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
