i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
