i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
