Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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