dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
