Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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