I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
