lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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