You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
