On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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