I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
