The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
