we're blogging at a bar
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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