Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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