i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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