Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
