it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
