I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
