i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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