69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
