You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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