SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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