what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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