Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Operation Purity has been aborted
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
