He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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