you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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