you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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