Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
