Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
