I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
