I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
