party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
