with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
