i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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