like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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