So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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