He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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