great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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