So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
