i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
