I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
