i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
