is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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