I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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