Kiss
Puke
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
FUCK WHALES
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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