kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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