why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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