He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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