I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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