Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
