Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize