I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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