can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
