I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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