i think i have herpe
just one?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
