And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
