At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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