Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
