We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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