I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
