singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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