is your mom at the bar?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
