I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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