well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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