I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
