wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
