Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
