I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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