she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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