You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
