the condom got lost in my hair
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
