will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
