he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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