We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
