Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize