how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
