So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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