I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
