I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
