Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
