that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
