I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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