Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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