i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
