I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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