I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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