it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
