where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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