Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
