But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
