Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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