I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
