Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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