I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
