also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
