I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
