Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize