jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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